This is a very special page, dedicated to special people. The reasons why are simple - I have a son who is truly amazing. But he has a problem. His world, and the world I live in, well, they're just not quite the same. The way I explain it to people is that his brain just isn't wired the same way that most peoples' are.

It doesn't mean that he's any less of a person, it doesn't mean that he's dumb, it doesn't mean he has behavior problems, nor does it mean that I don't know how to raise my children, or that I'm too lazy to discipline him.

It just means that he simply doesn't understand things, things that most people learn by osmosis he needs to be told and shown and told again and still sometimes he has to learn the hard way....

How do you deal with someone who learns to read by seeing a word spelled once or twice and knows it and never forgets, or who, at 3 could install programs on a computer and do intricate drawings in Paintbrush using tools I never knew existed but couldn't say a full sentence properly? Who will fly into rages in a milisecond and scream and turn turtle on the floor?

Well, first of all you love every little bit that's wonderful, then build a tough skin. Learn to ignore the comments of strangers, and the looks, and the neighbours who will invite one child and not the other to a birthday party 'cause "he's just a bit too much". Then appreciate every good moment because you know in the next second the situation could be very much different. Buy earplugs. Don't give in to the temptation to not do things with him, do, but think first about the situation - is it one you can't remove him from quickly?

My son has Asperger's, part of the Autistic Spectrum. He is a high functioning autistic, which means that for the most part he acts and looks normal, until you talk to him or he has one of his rages or tunes you and everything else out entirely by humming or turning turtle on the floor.

My job as his mother is first and foremost to love him and take his best interests to heart. Then it is my job to show him how the world works and how he can fit into it. And finally, to appreciate and to show to the world at large how great this demanding little guy can be. Look out world, someday you'll be glad you have him!

I've found some great links to sites from people like me - a mother in the U.K., and a sibling who deserves an award for the effort she's put in to help brothers and sisters like her, and of course, what is this all about anyway? So read, learn, and enjoy. Sometimes a different world is just another way of seeing what we know and there's something great about that, everything is something else when you look through a special persons' eyes.

Come see. There's lots of little people out there just like him, in varying ends of the spectrum and they deserve to have their voices heard.

This page, which may some day take on a life of its own and become a website, is for people to find links, read about what it's like, learn a bit, share, and for everyone who knows a little someone just like him to understand they're not alone. They're special and so are you.

Welcome to a world apart.

p.s. the picture at the top was done by my son, in Paintbrush, when he was four. He's a great little artist.

My Boy, a poem I wrote

Little guy's Web Store: 99 Illusions of Confusion, new on Cafe Press! http://www.cafepress.com/99illusions

Autism 101: A video (online and free to view) from Anne Holmes - it's about 30 minutes but well worth watching if you are in the stage where you are wondering if you are crazy, or if you're trying to explain why yes, your charming child is really autistic, here's why. For me, it was the echolalia, people thinking he was deaf, literalism, lack of imaginative play (and a very good description here - doesn't mean they have no imagination), all things people should be aware of and also, why can a kid who is amazing with language be autistic?

Donna Williams is a grown woman with Asperger's who has some beautiful artwork and has written books and music. It's well worth checking out her site: http://www.donnawilliams.net

Autism Society Ontario - Ottawa Chapter. Excellent information, support groups, Asperger's and other autism & PDD information.

Autistic Spectrum Support Group Ottawa Valley West - ASD Support Group Ottawa Valley West, Yahoo Group for parents and caregivers of children on the autistic spectrum

Autism Support Ottawa - A Yahoo Group for caregivers of ASD children (and for teens and adults too), lots of information, links, directories

Asperger's Syndrome - article on Kid's Health.org - good for explanation of what is Asperger's, symptoms, facts such as often Asperger's kids are intially diagnosed as PDD and/or ADHD...

Valkyrie's Chains A Portrait of my autistic child

Siblings Of Autism- this is a wonderful site

Autism Research and Treatment - Kirkman Laboratories

Autism Primer - 20 Questions

O.A.S.I.S. - Asperger Syndrome: What is it?Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support site. I like this site. I has a brief explanation of Asperger, PDD, and also gives the DSM IV diagnosis criteria for Asperger's. This site is hosted by the University of Delaware.


Jessica Kingsley Publishers is a UK publishing company that sells books related to conditions like Asperger's, ADHD, etc. I ordered the book "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome" from there - an excellent book and the resources on this site are the best I've seen anywhere. Highly recommended - they also ship quite quickly. Click on the logo to see the site. (And no, I'm not an affiliate, I just like their books).

As he grows, here's a little bit of how life is 

Grade 2 brought a change of house, town, schools and....back to square one with resources (including a school principal who refused to belive the doctor's reports until he had a melt down in the hall and when asked what was going on she was reminded that he had PDD/probable Asperger's). He had problems in class and at home on Wednesdays - turned out it was because he was totally frustrated with spelling. The teacher and he worked out that he would try grade 3 and 4 words - that worked, he was happy. He wasn't happy with gym and dodge ball, and also with substitute teachers. He started Beavers and was quite happy (with his step dad being a Leader) except for one lady leader who would yell all the time and once pulled him by his arms when he "went turtle" in the middle a Red Rover game. I was not impressed by that one, let me tell you. But all in all, he did well.

Grade 3, I was told by several people, is the year where many children like him hit the wall as far as writing and comprehension goes. More is expected in this grade, and time is more of an issue. How does a perfectionist child handle it all? So far so good they said, but it had been noted that describing what he just read needs some help. This he will get, I was told. Alas, the teacher's aide in the classroom became no teacher's aide and at no consultation to me. Oh, he also lost the medical bussing in grade 2 because the principal mumbled something about him having to take the "small bus" like we didn't want that, and so his stepdad wound up working nights to accommodate a school that wouldn't provide the doctor-determined medical bussing. Anyway, he was enjoying many new things - piano lessons, Cubs, cross country running. He started having some new frustration problems, but it was about winning and losing and we are working on that. For him, a truly wonderful accomplishment was wanting to enter the spelling bee. He did and not only did he handle being on stage fine, he came in 3rd for Division A and brought home a trophy and a whole lot of pride in himself.

He has had his assessment at Sick Kids (3 years on the list) - the DSM IV. Has a new psych but needs one specializing in his situation; need to look into things post assessment first, since he has been rediagnosed after an original diagnosis of PDD. Then again, there's what the new psych said, which is basically we do you want me to do? This is how he is, he's a bright boy. Hmmm. I'm also "under orders" not to let him dictate to adults. This we all agree on. :) There's really not much in the way of professional help once a kid is diagnosed, almost nothing at if they are over 6. What do you do when they are diagnosed at 8?

Accept what help there is. The county special needs people are who I talk to now, and I did manage to get some CASS funding and found and lost a house cleaner, and found a person to help work on his social skills and stuff like that (i.e. facial expressions, body language, one on one stuff for things like hitting a volleyball...that sort of thing). Speech language therapy? No, though it has been recommended since he last had it at age 5; occupational therapy for gross motor skills though this is becoming an issue for sure? Uh, nothing since age 5; social skills? we're all trying - school, county, us.

Grade 4 brought a change of schools (not our choice) and teachers and all the attendent problems that come with that. While to their credit it was determined yes, he didn't get some resources he should have had, the bussing that was promised never showed up so step dad, 3 years later, is still driving him to school and to a school that is a hair short of 2 km away that has several major crossings and train tracks, all with no crossing guard. Some problems from last year carried over to this year: lunch time, and gym class. Lunch wound up being too much for him, too much noise, too many people reaching across him to steal food from a friend...one incident wound up with the decision he really needs a quieter place, so there he is in the nut-free room. I am very very careful not to let anything touch anywhere there could be peanut butter that is related to his lunch now. Gym and the accursed dodge ball. He hates it though he tries hard enough; my comment on dodge ball is a general one and that is that no matter how many ways you change it to make it more gentle and fair, there will still be some person at the receiving end of a ball being hurled deliberately at them.

Dodge ball has been a huge issue because not only is it in gym way more often than is necessary, it is also in Cubs. Cubs is bigger this year and so now there's 25 loud boys throwing balls at each other, again way more often than is necessary. Last year he loved Cubs and proudly earned a bunch of badges, went to the camping week by himself, went winter camping (we slept in a cave during winter and on a night there was an earthquake), going snowshoeing, but this year he hates it. It's all we can do to keep it up. It's a shame really, but I think it'll be his last year for Cubs even though it is recommended to us for social skills development.

We're trying Judo but only if we can ensure that the good parts of this (respect, anger management, clear thinking) are not overshadowed by being able to do serious damage with a well placed kick. So far we have been assured that Judo (vs Karate) is good in that area - it's defensive and respectful, not Offensive (like Karate).There's a place in town that lets parents train with their kids - that might be good, I didn't mind trying so I am. So far so good, I'm enjoying it as is little guy.

Big accomplishment this year: he won 3rd in Division B for spelling at his school, went to the regional school board spelling bee, came in 6th and the top 10 move on to Canspell regionals. Yay! He's one of the youngest. And a little example of what can happen when fellows like him get to do things where their interests lie. He's enjoying his little bit in the sun here - local paper, the big city paper (twice - one will be an article on him being one of the youngest; there may be something about Asperger's in there). He came in 13th out of 69 kids, not too shabby at all! Here's the link to the article on him from the paper, now on the Canspell web site: Agathokakological? No problem 

One hopeful thing as grade 4 comes to an end, he has been accepted into French Immersion so he will have a little challenge next year but also a chance to learn more fully a second language, something he really loves. Will it be more frustration, or will it fulfill a need for something, anything, to engage his brain? We'll see!

So here we are, at the end of Grade 5. This year has been a roller coaster of stuff. First, lost CAS funding but got SSAH funding, lost our cleaner (but that's okay she's on to bigger and better things) and our developmental worker but found another who actually is better suited to his needs and is a very interesting person as well. I'd replace the cleaner (whoa could we use that) but the SSAH funding isn't as good as the other so just developmental worker and a couple of other developmental things are what is paid for.

The French Immersion part of his class is good, but this year has brought the ugly spector of bullying and a little guy who is now quite aware that Asperger's means what he does isn't always accepted. Gym class has been especially bad and now when there is a substitute teacher (a.k.a. all hell breaks loose and with someone who just doesn't know the situation) he has the option of helping out the special ed teacher or doing homework or something. He has had 3 (I think? I forget) major meltdowns, including one just today over a misspelled word. He also entered the county spelling bee and got tongue tied and had a melt down that included the spellmaster announcing over the loudspeaker that this person making all the noise be removed from the auditorium (NOT COOL - they knew he has Asperger's - a lady from the Bee did call me to apologize though, which was nice) and his stepdad had to carry him out - very embarassing for little guy. With worries of a repeat for Canspell, thankfully the results of that spelling bee weren't what got him into Canspell this year, and be a regional contender he was again and again wound up around mid-teens which was fine. I was proud of him to trying anyway regardless of how he was treated in Pembroke but as of the time of writing this he's announced he doesn't want to do this again.

We also did a couple of sessions of judo and enjoyed it until a judo tournament we were volunteering at wound up with a misunderstanding where he was doing the scoring numbers and meltdown and then realising we were the two of our group with no real match for partners except ourselves. It included half a session where we didn't even sit on the matt because no one could make room for us and yeah, we like judo but there just isn't a place for us here, me a just-to-get-fit mom and a kid who needs time and understanding. He wound up turtle on the matt for the last couple of sessions and with Canspell coming up that was that.

He got his occupational therapist testing done, his gross motor skills are low normal which of course means normal but just not quite good enough not to be picked on in gym and recess. I don't know. At age 10 going on 11 he's really not happy with school but of the choices anywhere in this entire area (and by that I don't mean so navel gazing as my immediate 10 km, I mean Eastern Ontario) there's nothing that makes me feel it would be any better without making him into an exclusively Asperger person. He is so close to regular kid territory that to not keep him in regular things I think isn't a good idea. One good idea though was the Association for Bright Children classes given for gifted children. That was a hit and with a few kids like him, not a bad thing at all. He also liked the ski day at school so we're thinking of classes for him this year with instructors who are used to kids like him (this would be loosely aligned with Special Olympics, which we really aren't into here as it really is more for classically autistic and for Down's Syndrome people here - very worthy cause but not one he really fits into even if he is technically eligible to join).

So as we approach grade 6 where are we? Facing it with a great deal of trepidation. He still hasn't had his Psycho-Ed assessment though it has been recommended and has been on the waiting list for 3 years, and I never have gotten an answer from the School Board about people here that I could just pay myself and have it done so I don't know. I don't want to be downer here, but I really do worry about quite a few things as he approaches puberty. Time will tell, but if I know my son, he's nothing if not tenacious, I think he'll be fine all in all he just has to get to the finish line of high school before he can truly be his own self. The good thing is that in university and college is where Asperger's kids truly shine, since a good many of them are extremely bright or gifted, and their focus on special interests make them experts in subjects long before others are. Think Bill Gates when you think of people like that. Or Einstein. Possibly even Mozart. Definitely Bobby Fisher. So you see, it's how to get him from here, at this point, to there, at that point where he will be accepted with all his quirks and his strengths. So today, I leave grade five with one word: Sigh.

This page was last updated: November 9, 2008