Hello from the end of the first month of 2010. I feel badly; for the first time ever on my website I never did a new year post looking over the last year and contemplating the next. The reasons are many but I will be truly honest in that I was finishing off the course I was taking. Eyeballs deep in the final edits of my research paper on current technologies in operating system security. It was a big bastard, 25 pages, fulled cited and chock full of algorithms. I got right down to the wire before I was happy with it, and that was Dec. 31st at 10:00 p.m. It was due December 31st. My hard work paid off though, I got 95% on it. Following that I had to study for the exam which, thankfully, because of my course ending on December 31st when no invigilation centres were open, I wrote on January 8th. That I didn't do quite so well on; in fact I passed by a hair. No matter, my marks were good enough on all my assignments and I passed the course. Not with a stellar mark but one I was comforable with. Soon I will be starting my next course, COMP315 which is all about Unix via the wonders of Linux. Wish me luck. Oh, and on similar matters, I got the opportunity to try my reading French test and got back my level C again, for which I am really pleased.
So what about the past year? I honestly don't know where to begin. It was wonderful, and it was weird. One of the highlights was my daughter graduating from high school and going off to university to study nursing. She is on a happy path, and we are all proud of her. Son is doing well, trying out Air Cadets, finishing middle school and now back enjoying the skiing. Things are looking up for him for sure, he gets to go to mini university in the Spring and is busy picking out high school classes this weekend.
For me I've spent the better part of this past year juggling a project and regular job at work; there will be changes in this but I'm not saying anything until I have something official on paper; I've been led down the path of work hopes too often over the years so forgive me if I'm cynical until proven true.
Part of our weirdness is having a visitor here for a few months, out of necessity. There are good things about it but it is mainly due to money issues and there are some frightening things about having responsibility thrust on me for things that weren't really but I think there will be an answer, there always is. I just hope the answer comes before it causes serious problems for me but I'm thinking it will. I don't like living with the stress of it all though - for the first time in many years I've started having panic attacks again so I am consciously looking for answers not only for this but for righting wrongs that have been done to me financially by unscrupulus companies like the Hydro thing I got sucked into and wound up paying 92 cents/kwh when our rate here has been around 50. I did get them to lower it, but I am researching what the heck I can do (where in the fine print I can get them) for them promising a discount that wound up being 100% higher for me for 3 years. There's got to be a way to get at least some of that back, but enough of that.
What do I look for in this year? Well, first, more on the courses, I want to finish at least two - the current one I've read is a quicker one than usual, and the next course I want to take is advanced web programming, one I contemplated doing as a challenge for credit but I think it's better I just do it the normal route. I am so close to the university certificate, but I think it'll take another year after this one.
Next in my year is finishing editing my book, Off Air. The person I wanted to ask to help proofread hasn't spoken to me in a year so I think I'll just keep plowing on with that and get it out. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really love the story and the characters and I do want it out in the wide world, even if nobody reads it. Poor I Ching Jukebox has gone nowhere with a grand total of two sales, and I'm not sure what I can do about that but at least it is out there for sale. And then the muse is tickling my brain, taunting me with snippets of sentences waiting to be written...it's time get pen to paper once more. I will, somehow, though I am very very strapped for time.
Yes, I am still doing the janitorial stuff at night at my wonderfully haunted local mill. No, I don't like it, it takes a strong stomach somedays and a pair of strong arms to lift things; it also eats a chunk out of my evenings and the better part of a day on the weekends, all for the grand sum of $10 an hour. Still, I need that $10. I had to turn down going for breakfast last Friday, and was the only person in the office since everyone else went. And in the morning I'm going to work with 25 cents, 6 bus tickets (good for 3 rides) and a quarter tank of gas that I'm not sure will be enough to get me home. That's my life these days. My resolve to not taking on others' problems didn't work last year, this year though the well truly is dry and that's it. We have no cell phones anymore since they cut me off (I was stupidly paying for 5) and I have a pay-per-use phone a concerned friend kindly gave me, but I feel terrible that daughter is out her only form of communication besides the computer. Sigh. I pray the universe will shine on my work and people will start buying my books, but failing that, a small lottery win would be nice, lol.
I don't mean to sound down, except I am little. In my life I'm always skating on the edge of depression, having had several episodes of very deep depression over the years I've learned the signs and when the edge of the abyss starts yawning I do know how to step back a little and keep it at bay. I'm doing that, and as long as nothing too horrible hits I'll be fine. Writing is a good way to expunge the darkness so again, somehow I have to find the time to get going with writing something.
Now. About my two businesses that I'm a partner. The Jim and I one is doing well I think we (well, me) made about $350 this year with not too many expenses; the other I've put a lot of back-end web programming work in, but the progess wasn't good enough for one of our partners and it has devolved into some rather insulting emails that left me wondering why I should be wasting my time when it's never good enough. I'll keep going with it but the will is very low for me, I would never use the tone and words on anybody that has been sent our way. So we'll see. It was a good idea, providing Jim and I are not the only ones doing anything and at the moment there's nothing to put on the website so uh...yeah, that's where it's at.
I do have hope for this year. There are many ways in this could be a really good year and there are signs that things are looking up so I'm holding onto all of that. When I look at how it could be, at the devastation of Haiti, there is very much in my life to be thankful for and so I am. Have a wonderful few weeks, months? Until I post again, take care all.
À la prochaine,
Cathi
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